What to Say on Sympathy Cards
Tags: address envelopes, Greeting Card Etiquette, sympathy cards
Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette,
If the father of a married friend has passed away is the card addressed to her, Mrs. Amy Brown, or to Mr. and Mrs. George Brown?
Marilyn G.
Marilyn, either way of addressing the envelope is appropriate, but the “Mr. and Mrs. George Brown” is more common. Unless it is common knowledge that Mr. Brown did not get along with his father-in-law, assume he is in mourning as well.
Many people also wonder if it is OK to send condolence cards to those who are not related to the deceased, and the answer is yes. A condolence card is always appreciated by anyone — blood relative or not — who is close to the deceased.
Some tips for what to say in a sympathy card.
- Always try to give your card as soon as you hear about the death. Even if you only hear of the funeral a year later, a sympathy card is always appreciated.
- Understand you don’t need to write a novel. A line or two is fine. People in mourning may not have the mental capacity to read a long card anyway, so keeping things simple works for everyone.
- Keep in mind, that, while you knew the deceased, his or her relatives may not know you. Try to include a line or two about how you know the person who died.
“Mr. Smith was a client of my accounting practice”
or
“Dave was someone I played cards with at the senior center”
or
“I sang with Olga in the church choir”. - If you were a personal friend of the deceased, try to include a happy memory you had together.
“David Smith was a good friend of mine with whom I played golf. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he finally hit his hole in one. I’m very sorry for your loss, he will be dearly missed.”
- Never say something along the lines of “I know how you feel.” Everyone feels differently. Saying “Maybe it was their time to go” or “they had a long life” is also a no-no.
Anyway, Marilyn, I hope this helps. Here is our selection of sympathy cards.
MouthyGirl
April 20th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I have a two part question..I’m at a loss on both…my boss’s wife has mesothelioma and it’s devastating, she hasn’t passed, but that doesn’t take away the terror at each surgery. What do you say when someone is facing death?
Additionally, I have a coworker who is being deployed in 7 weeks to Iraq, do you give a card in that situation, is it sympathy or a Thank You card?
Ms. Cards Etiquette
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Thanks for commenting, MouthyGirl.
Keep in mind, a sympathy card is used *only* when someone has died. (And, while it may seem funny to send a sympathy card to a soldier friend because the military life is grueling, if you’re at all superstitious, you don’t want to jinx your soldier friend with a sympathy card…) The thank you card to your soldier friend is perfectly appropriate and, in fact, Ms. Cards Etiquette likes the idea of so much she might just borrow it for a new post on the site.
When someone is facing death as in the case of your terminally ill friend you use a ‘thinking of you card’. A get well card just doesn’t fit for this situation when everyone knows that the illness is not something from which she will recover. But, a thinking of you card lets her know that you care for her.>
This post has more information about what to say on a card for a terminally ill friend.