Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Certainly, Ms. Cards Etiquette is a big proponent of sending written correspondence when you’re able to do so. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: written correspondence stands out in this email and electronic world.

In this situation, however, I’d say you just don’t know the whole story behind this particular mailing. There are many reasons this person may have decided not to send their photo card via mail. Maybe they didn’t have your postal address. Maybe they were really concerned you would not receive the Christmas card in time. Maybe this person was simply out of cash and couldn’t afford enough cards for everyone on their list, but still wanted to send something. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

The point is, you don’t know. And honestly, it doesn’t matter. This person was thinking of you during the holiday season, and did send you a card.

If he/ she asks about it, or you see them the next time, simply thank them for the e-card and move on. Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff, and you can only control your own actions, and not those of other people.

Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette

Christmas isn’t even here yet, and I’m already dreading writing thank you notes. I’m a horrible procrastinator, and thank you cards are one of my least favorite things to do EVER. I’d rather send emails, but I know that’s probably not OK. Is there anything I can do to make thank you notes more fun?

Dreading in Dearmont

I really do feel for you … thank you notes used to be my least favorite thing to do in the world, except washing dishes! But there are some ways to make it more bearable, and maybe even fun. Here are a few
ideas:

1. Have a Thank You party! If you’re doing thank you’s with your family, get a bunch of cards and paper and crayons together at the table, make some hot chocolate (and maybe drinks for the adults), some favorite snacks, and write them all together. Young kids can draw pictures, parents can add captions, and before you know it, they’ll all be done! It’ll also give you a great opportunity to chat about your Christmas, and come up with new ideas for the holidays next year!
2. If you’re not a family person, you can still have a thank you note party with friends. Put together some favorite drinks and hors d’oeuvres, gather some lovely stationery, and have a get-together. You can compare notes on who’s relatives were most fun (or most embarassing), and generally have a good time.
3. DON’T PROCRASTINATE! You know (as well as I do!) that the longer you leave something, the worse it seems. So sit down the weekend after the holidays, set aside a lazy afternoon with some favorite treats (music, wine, chocolate … whatever you like), and get those cards done sooner, rather than later.
4. Reward yourself. The day you pick to do your thank you’s, plan something nice for yourself later in the evening: a dinner at a favorite restaurant; a small shopping trip; going out for a movie (or staying in to re-watch a favorite); whatever special treat would help motivate you.
   Knowing you have something nice waiting at the end of the session will keep your spirits up.
5. Break it up. If you have a lot of thank you notes to write, don’t try to do them all in one marathon session. Organize your cards ahead of time, and split them into small groups. Do close family members one day, spend an hour or two writing notes to friends the next day. If you can only bring yourself to write two notes a day, spend a week writing them a little at a time.

Believe me, if I eventually learned to write my thank you’s properly and promptly, anyone can!

Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette

Alex

Alex, everyone has those relatives that give gifts that make you think they’ve never met you before. I once had a relative give me a sweater I would never wear in public, but I had my Mom take a photo of me wearing it to include in the thank you card (and you better believe I smiled!). But really, the thank you notes don’t have to be that hard! Forget all about actually thanking them for the actual gift …

Here’s the trick: Don’t say thank you for the gift. Thank them for thinking of you, thank them for the time they spent choosing a gift. You don’t even have to mention the actual present. Remember, it really is the thought that counts sometimes. Some people just aren’t good at picking out gifts, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t try … and it’s the trying you’re really saying “thank you” for!

Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette

My company is having a holiday party for our local business contacts and major clients. The party is during normal dinner time, but we won’t actually be serving a full dinner. There will definitely be enough appetizers to go around though. What should the invitations say? “Lots of Hors D’Oeuvres” or “Light Buffet Dinner” or something else …?

Admin Assistant Extraordinaire

Well, Admin, since you’re not exactly serving a dinner, buffet or otherwise, I’d forget that option right off the top. If you’re particularly worried about people running to get dinner beforehand, or making later dinner plans and leaving early, you could say something like, “a wide variety of hors d’oeuvres will be served,” but I don’t even think that’s necessary. Simply noting “hors d’oeuvres will be served” should be sufficient.

Assuming there will also be drinks served at the party, I think most people will assume that if you say “hors d’oeuvres will be served,” you are at least providing enough food to help balance out the drinks.

Generally, unless you specify “light hors d’oeuvres”, and schedule the party in the early afternoon or well after the dinner hour, people will arrive without having eaten, and will be quite delighted to see a generous assortment of finger foods available.

Many professionals are quite used to making do with what’s offered at a networking cocktail party, and will wait until a respectable time to leave if they feel the need to eat a light dinner later. Since it sounds like you’re providing enough “grazing” foods to more than satisfy, I think your biggest worry is already behind you!

Dear Miss Cards Etiquette,

I have a couple of questions in regards to sending holiday greeting cards to business associates. First, is it still appropriate to address a card to two gentlemen with Messrs.? Second, is it considered appropriate etiquette to address a card to someone’s attention? Example: ATTN: Mr. John Smith. And lastly, what if you need to address a card to two associates that are not married? Would putting Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Sue Jones be appropriate?

Thank you,
Michelle

Good questions, Michelle! I’ll go through them from easiest to hardest (which happens to be the reverse of your query):

3. When addressing a card to unmarried associates, put their names either in order of status (if you’re certain of it), or in alphabetical order by surname. In your example, Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Sue Jones is perfectly acceptable if John is perhaps a senior partner and Sue is the junior. Otherwise, if they are equal partners, put their names in alphabetical order.
2. I would recommend against using ATTN: on a greeting card, unless the peculiarities of the company’s mail sorting protocol requires it. Addressing correspondence to someone’s attention implies that anyone in the department could respond to it, but you prefer a particular individual handle the matter. For instance: addressing a billing question to the attention of the customer service representative you spoke with on the phone. If you need to put the company name on the envelope for proper delivery, rather than using ATTN: use “Mr. John Smith” on the top line, and “c/o Company Name” on line two.
1. Messrs. is commonly only used today when addressing a card to brothers or to a committed gay couple. However, it can also be used when addressing a card to male business associates (perhaps partners in a law firm or medical office), especially if space on the front of the envelope is limited and there are more than two gentlemen in the list. In general though, the more common usage is to list their names separately, in either order of status or alphabetical order by last name: Mr. Bob Carver and Mr. John Smith, for instance. (Also, for multiple female associates, sisters, or a committed lesbian couple, Mesdames would be the equivalent to Messrs.)