Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette:

What is the correct or proper way to put a card into an envelope?
Lori Howell

Well, Lori, this is actually a widely debated subject! There are advocates supporting various sides of this discussion for a number of reasons so no one way is necessarily the rule. This seems to be the most popular method and the one I recommend–
Place the fold of the card in the envelope first. This is done to prevent slicing through the card if a letter opener is used when opening the envelope. Some have argued that if there are other pieces tucked in the card it may be better to have the fold at the top so that all the pieces don’t fall out when opened. But, then you’re back to the possible slicing issue.

Place the card in the envelope so that the face of the card is towards the flap. If done this way, the nice front of the card is the first thing you see when removing it from the envelope. I know I’d much rather see the colorful front of a greeting than the black barcode on the back of it when I first open a greeting!

Placing the card in the envelope this way also provides an almost solid surface showing through on the front of the envelope, if the envelope is thin, thus making the address easier to read and not spoiling the surprise by allowing you to see the design before opening the card.

Hope this helps and happy stuffing!

Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette,
What do I say on a card for a friend who has invited me to dinner?
Jennifer G

Jennifer, I totally understand your conundrum. I’m a big believer in always having something in hand if you are invited to someone’s house to eat. I try to bring a bottle of wine or flowers for the table, or even a watermelon if it is a barbecue.

As for the card, it depends on what the dinner is for. If this is a dinner celebrating a special occasion, such as a birthday party or anniversary, then I’d bring along a congratulations or happy birthday card or other card that is appropriate to the celebration. If the dinner is just for people to get together to have fun, then all you really need to do is send a thank you card after the event thanking your friend for the invitation to the dinner.

The thank you card can be short and sweet, with just a sentence or two. Something along the lines of “Thank you for the wonderful dinner party last Thursday. I really had a good time” is perfectly appropriate.

Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette,
For my housewarming party, I’d really like gift cards instead of gifts people bring me. How do I put that in the invitations?
New House Girl

While it is perfectly proper to state “no gifts please” or “your presence is your present”, it is absolutely, never ok to ask for a particular gift in an invitation unless you are collecting gifts or donations for someone else’s cause.

What do I mean by this? Well, if, for example, you were throwing a party for someone else who had a child who was in a car accident and was hospitalized and you wanted to ask for donations to help the family, then saying “Donations will be collected for the family” is ok. Asking for donations on your own behalf, however, is not, as is asking for a particular type of gift.

However, in this case, you’re setting up your own new house, and since people often want to give gifts to help you out, what do you do?

The gift registry comes to the rescue! All you need to do is register with a popular department store and list what you really need. You can then be assured that if people want to get you a gift for your housewarming, they will get you what you need.

Sometimes, though, people need stuff they don’t feel right asking others to buy for them. (We all need a toilet plunger, for example.) For items such as that, you can list a gift card as one of the items on your registry list.

Be sure that you have several amounts of gift cards so people can get you a gift card they can afford. Listing only a $50 gift card might be a little much for some people’s budgets.

On the invitation, all you need to do is state that you are registered with whomever you are registered with. “I am registered at the following locations” and then list them.

Hope this helps you, New House Girl, and have a happy housewarming.

Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette,
Is an e-greeting card less valuable than a paper card? Is there ever a time when an e-card is more appropriate than a regular greeting card?
John T

The key here, John, is the word ‘appropriate’.

E-cards are fun. They are happy little diversions of your day that usually bring a smile to your face. Even Ms. Cards Etiquette appreciates receiving an e-card in her mailbox every now and again.

That being said, there are few times when an e-card is more than that. “Fun” does not equal “appropriate.”

When you pick out a paper greeting card, sign it and send it through the mail, it takes time. People enjoy seeing when others put a little extra effort into the things they do. It makes them feel special and needed.

Greeting cards in the mail stand out. How many e-mails do you get in one day? How many paper cards do you get in your mailbox? Enough said.

There is something about the tactile feel of a greeting card that an e-greeting card just does not have. Paper cards are something that people hang on to and read over and over again. People simply like the feel of a real card in the hand, they like to see the other person’s handwriting. The entire experience becomes more personal.

Dear Ms. Cards Etiquette,
Do you use Sr. or Jr. when writing to the woman when her husband was either a Sr. or a Jr.?
Mary Paull

Dear Ms. Paull,
In formal usage, yes, you do add the prefix Sr. or Jr. when corresponding with a woman whose husband was a Sr. or a Jr. For example, Mrs. John Smith Sr. is correct if her husband was Mr. John Smith Sr.

For a more informal treatment, it is proper to use one of the following:
Mrs. John Smith
Mrs. J. Smith
Mrs. Mary Smith
Mary Smith

Suffixes are used after names to provide more information about the person and are called post-nominal letters or post-nominal initials. These indicate a special position, degree, office or honor. The most popular social suffixes are senior or junior and are mainly used in the US. For correct usage, Jr. denotes a child of the exact same name as the parent. However, “Junior” is a popular nickname and often used even if the son’s name is entirely different from his father’s, as more a term of endearment than rank.

On an interesting note, there are no rules on what to do if the most senior member dies. No rules of etiquette or tradition have been determined so it is left to families to decide. Some families have the Junior “move up one” and become Senior, and others just keep ‘counting down the line.’ The legal name of Tom Cruise, for example, is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV

It is also interesting to note that very often, the ‘senior’ or ‘junior’ is not actually part of the legal name, it is simply added to help everyone avoid confusion. In other cases, the Sr. or Jr. suffix is part of the legal name and on the birth certificate.

Can women have Jr or Sr as part of their name if they are named after their mothers? You bet, although it is not nearly as common, as many women change their name when they marry. However, Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, Jr., and Carolina Herrera, Jr. are two women who have Jr after their names.

Thanks for your question, Mary!